I often wonder what life would be like as a stay at home
mom. And sometimes my heart aches to be home with Lola and not have to worry
about working full time. As a working mother, I seem to constantly be asking
myself, “Am I going to regret working during these precious early years when
she is grown? Should I be spending more time with her? What about her
development? Is she being nurtured properly? Is someone else raising my child?”
Let me just say up front that I HAVE to work to honor a contract I made in
nursing school. (and partly too, to help pay our bills.) It’s called the “HCA
loan” and it’s a boring story with lots of legal language but basically this
contract paid for my school if I promised to work full time for an HCA hospital
for three years after graduation. If I didn’t have a $65,000 loan hanging over
my head, I may consider more seriously staying at home. But I also know that
God put a desire in my heart years before lola was even thought of. And working
right now is part of that bigger plan God has that is just for me.
Anyway, as a nurse, I work 3 days a week than I am off 4-6
days in a row. I get to experience both the “working mom” realm and the “stay
at home mom” world. I often hear/see things like “You clock out after work; a
stay at home mom’s work never ends! If you think all I do all day with the kids
is sit around and play on the computer, you should try it! A stay at home mom
works the equivalent of 900 hours a week!” Being a homemaker offers its own
unique struggles, sure, but I am just going to be honest here; the working
mother has it rough. I like to remind people that working mothers still have to
do everything a stay at home mom does. We still have to cook, clean, fix
dinner, wash our spouse’s underwear and occasionally give our child a bath all
nestled between working 40+ hours a week. Yes, the human adult interaction and
break from the mundane tasks of laundry and sweeping the floor and picking up
books for the one hundredth time and not dealing with a toodlers temper is
great but lets remember I am WORKING when I am gone. I’m not sipping lattes and
reading on the back porch. I sometimes have to deal with unappreciative control
freaks that are rude who make me miss being around a 2 year old. Some shifts I
don’t even find time pee let alone eat lunch or have a conversation with a
co-worker. (The craziness that is the life of a nurse is an entirely different
post so I will move on.) I know in my heart that my personality does not fit
staying home with lola everyday. I would get bored and anxious. And I think she
would too. She is an active social butterfly who is full of energy and needs to
get out of the house. And like I said earlier, being a nurse is something God
has for me and just because I have a child now doesn’t change the desire God
placed in my heart when I was 10 years old. I do however wish I could work less
and stop with the “who is going to watch lola on what days” chaos.
So what’s the point of all this?
As a working mother, I find myself constantly trying to find
balance. Balance between work, raising Lola, being Brandon’s wife and time to
myself.
A blog I recently read encouraged us not to try and find
balance but instead surrender each day to God and obey what it is he wants from
you that day, that moment. Just like the weather, life too, has seasons. A
season can be years or months but it can also be a day, or even just an
afternoon. Should today be focused on being a good employee, working hard and
helping others? Or is this week a week to fully engage and nurture Lola? Is
this afternoon for you to write and refuel and be by yourself? By surrendering
each day, I can go forward WITHOUT GUILT knowing this is the season in which
God has me. When Christ is leading my life, whichever direction I am going, I
can go confidently knowing this is where he wants me, even if it’s just for a
season. In surrender and obedience, there is freedom.
I don’t want this to be the war of who’s got it worst. I’m
Just trying to encourage those of us who wear multiple hats.
Here is the link to the blog post.
http://thenatos.blogspot.com/2012/05/is-that-really-question-you-should-ask.html
