Enjoy the music all you want my friend but the minute you jump into me, push me into the mosh pit or make me spill my drink, I will kick your ass.
Do NOT I repeat do NOT buy the bands t-shirt at their merch table and wear it throughout the show. Where are we a football game?
If you want to be in the front row, get there early. Don’t try and “excuse me” your way up to the front only to stop dead smack in front of me blocking my view.
Wear deodorant. And don’t fart. There is nothing worse than smelling a hot juicy fart that isn’t yours while in such close quarters. Just because we can’t hear it doesn’t mean we can’t smell it. Gross.
Put down your rock hands.
If you have something to say it better be really important because I hate being yelled at directly in my ear and still not being able to hear a word of what you just said.
The only time it is appropriate to slow dance the whole show and/or grind your butt up against your boyfriend is at a R. Kelly concert.
It’s ok to take a few pictures but don’t be surprised if half of them turn out blurry and you can’t even tell who it is on stage. (It’s easier to just google image search photos when you get home.)
Do not wear high heels and then complain that your feet hurt all night. This should just be common sense.
To the opening band: we are not there to see you. And 99% of the time we haven’t even heard of your band. It’s a harsh reality, but the sooner you realize this, the better. Make it quick and painless.
To the band: start on time. And play my favorite song.
