the lords will.

Tim Keel from Jacobs Well had this to say on Sunday about the Lord's will. It has completely rocked my thinking.

Ephesians 5: “Be very careful then how you live. Not as unwise but as wise. Making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil, therefore, do not be foolish but understand what the lords will is.”

What is the Lords will? The Lord doesn’t have a will for whether you marry this person or that person, take this job or that job, live in this city or that city. That’s not what God’s will is about. That’s a pagan way of understanding the Lord’s will. Greek pagan people would go to the temple of the seer (oracle) and they would flip a coin into the deal and whichever way it would turn out you would say, “Lord do you want me to do this or do you want me to do you that?” That’s the pagan way.

The only time the Lord’s will is ever used in the New Testament is in regard of you being in Christ Jesus. You want to know what the Lords will is? Jesus Christ in your life. After that, have wisdom. That’s why maturity is so important. Then whether you turn to the right or you turn to the left, we read in the prophet Isaiah, you will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way. Walk in it.”

So what is the Lords will for you? (Ephesians 5) verses 18-20 “Do not get drunk on wine.” Why? Because you’re being animated by the spirit. Do not get drunk on fear. Do not get drunk on anxiety. Do not get drunk on news, which leads to debauchery. Instead “be filled with the spirit that manifests itself in this way; speak to one another with palms, hymns and songs.” Soundtrack! Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord! Go through your life singing and making music to the Lord! That’s Gods will for you! Amen?

What is the music playing in the background of your life? You live the way you listen. How are you using your time? What is filling and animating your life? –Tim Keel

The entire sermon audio if you want to hear more: http://www.jacobswellchurch.org/sermon_audio# Sept. 11, 2011

Concert Etiquette 101

Enjoy the music all you want my friend but the minute you jump into me, push me into the mosh pit or make me spill my drink, I will kick your ass.

Do NOT I repeat do NOT buy the bands t-shirt at their merch table and wear it throughout the show. Where are we a football game?

If you want to be in the front row, get there early. Don’t try and “excuse me” your way up to the front only to stop dead smack in front of me blocking my view.

Wear deodorant. And don’t fart. There is nothing worse than smelling a hot juicy fart that isn’t yours while in such close quarters. Just because we can’t hear it doesn’t mean we can’t smell it. Gross.

Put down your rock hands.

If you have something to say it better be really important because I hate being yelled at directly in my ear and still not being able to hear a word of what you just said.

The only time it is appropriate to slow dance the whole show and/or grind your butt up against your boyfriend is at a R. Kelly concert.

It’s ok to take a few pictures but don’t be surprised if half of them turn out blurry and you can’t even tell who it is on stage. (It’s easier to just google image search photos when you get home.)

Do not wear high heels and then complain that your feet hurt all night. This should just be common sense.

To the opening band: we are not there to see you. And 99% of the time we haven’t even heard of your band. It’s a harsh reality, but the sooner you realize this, the better. Make it quick and painless.

To the band: start on time. And play my favorite song.

A Life Authentic.

I go to a church now that is very different from the one I attended as a child. Let me preface with saying that I owe who I am and where I am in life to the way I was raised. However my faith and what it means to me is in an entirely different place now.

I no longer want spirituality based off emotions. I want to honor the rituals and traditions of the church that have been lost and disregarded in an attempt to please and lure in the masses. I want to practice and participate in the church calendar, engaging in the different seasons and move from disingenuous, fake and crowd pleasing to authentic, holy, meditative and personal.

Somehow church services have become more focused on lights, cool videos and neat graphics. It has turned Sunday mornings into some sort of media production instead of a time of teaching, genuine reflection, community and revitalizing of the soul.

For the first time in my life I believe my faith is not having someone else think for it-it is finally thinking for itself. It’s not being spoon-fed how I should feel or being told the questions I am allowed and not allowed to ask or what I should think on certain social issues.

I want to ask questions and not feel guilty in doing so. Asking questions does not show vulnerability or weakness. I am learning to live in the tension of my unanswered questions. To sit in that space for however long God keeps me there: not just sweeping past the answers like I already know them. Certain things will never make sense. There are several issues I believe our human minds will never comprehend (God made it that way) and in our attempt to find reason or explain them, we cheapen God’s mystery and demonstrate our lack of trust in him. Sometimes it is just enough to believe; we don’t always have to understand.

I don’t want to be “trendy.” I want to actually believe in the things I say I do and not so I can associate myself with people of a certain fashion. I want to follow Jesus. I want my beliefs and spirituality to be centered and molded around Jesus, not the other way around. I want to live like I actually believe Jesus is active, present and involved in my life. That he is there for advice and direction, showing us the best way to live and what is truly important. I want to see him in every dimension! I want to do all things, think all things, believe all things, in love, considering love as Christ taught and lived out. For without it, I am nothing.

Lola.

Donald Miller writes, “Love is something that happens to us and a decision we make.” I understand this because Lola happened to me. Having a child has allowed me to experience love, vulnerable love, a love that could destroy me and wreck my life yet brings me the simplest, purest joy available on this earth.

Blue Valentine.

Blue Valentine is an accurate and honest look at love and where all serious relationships-whether or not they stay in that place-find themselves. It truthfully depicts the seasons of companionship: the infatuation, sensitive conversations, difficult decisions and unforeseen circumstances.

Ryan Gossling and Michelle Williams could not have been more perfectly cast. The dialogue is simple and real and interactions, believable.

Cindy and Dean are a young married couple and throughout the film, you bounce back and fourth from present day of there dissolving marriage to when they first fell in love. Each character has something to admire: Cindy is caring and independent while Dean is quirky and subtly suave.

So what happened? Whose fault was it that they went from flirting on a subway to talking about divorce in the middle of their parent’s kitchen? The answer is complex just as it is with real life marriages but it seemed to me Cindy became selfish and uncommunicative while Dean refused to mature and accept the life he had chosen.

Of course you can’t talk about this movie without talking about sex. This film was once rated NC-17 not because the sex scenes were so graphic but because the sex between Cindy and Dean was made out of angst and aggression. It was uncomfortable to watch as two people who have clearly emptied themselves of emotion towards one another try to make love. But in a crumbling marriage, would you expect it to be any other way?

The more I thought about, the more I enjoyed this film. It’s hard to say why I liked a movie so much that made me feel depressed and even empty. Perhaps it’s because in a Hollywood world full of Cinderella’s and Princes it nice to see a movie opening dialogue about relationship troubles-and maybe in some ways that kind of honesty can bring…hope.

Tyler Durden and Less Clutter (2010)

Holy Connolly. 2011. I’m sure you all are anxiously awaiting my recap of 2010. With a child, quiet moments of reflective thoughts are replaced with making sure she doesn’t eat pennies or toilet paper and listening to Elmo Song. But alas here I am, so let’s start this recap shall we?

February 24, 2010-Let the year of Lola commence! Having a child is everything they say it is: exciting, frustrating, exhausting, beautiful, disgusting, hilarious and so on and so forth. If anything changes your life quicker or faster I am not sure what it is. It certainly has not been easy and I know having a child isn’t for everyone but there are just these moments and experiences you encounter with a child that you cannot replicate with a dog or niece or nephew.

In May, I graduated nursing school on a Saturday and drove to Chicago to see Them Crooked Vultures the following Monday. Best weekend ever? I think so.

After graduation it was time to study for the NCLEX. Basically if you don’t pass this test you don’t become an RN until you do. I studied hard: a couple hours a day, 5-6 days a week. On July 2 after 5 hours and 51 minutes, 275 questions (you read that right: that test was 275 questions long and took me almost 6 hours to take) and 48 hours of excruciatingly painful waiting, I found out I passed. I was officially, legally a Registered Nurse. It was one of the most liberating, exciting and purpose-confirming moments of my life.

(And here is where I pause to say thank you: thank you to my husband, parents and in laws who made the transition into motherhood and from student to full time working girl achievable. I didn’t do it alone and could not have done it without you.)

After an extraordinary (but friggin’ hot) summer, we came home on a Saturday in September to a tampon floating in our hallway. Our entire apartment had flooded with over an inch of sewer water. It’s such a daunting feeling opening your front door and seeing that the things you own have been ruined. Of course its just “stuff” but it was our stuff and we didn’t have “much” to begin with. (I use quotes here not to insult those we actually don’t have much.) Brandon’s computer: gone. Our couch: gone. CD’s from high school: gone. 2 of Lola’s photo albums and the hospital scrub top that Brandon wore during her delivery with her newborn footprints on it: gone. Our down payment for a house savings: now gone to replace the things that were destroyed.

During this time though, I couldn’t help but think about those involved in hurricane Katrina or any other major natural disaster. Some of our things had been spared and eventually we would replace the carpet, douse the place in bleach and be able to move back in. But what if all you could do was sit on your roof, waiting for relief while literally every material thing you own was now floating around in your living room? This thought really put things in perspective and made me thankful things were not worse and empathetic towards those in similar situations.

Globally, 2010 was filled with tragedy, triumph and controversy. The world watched together as 33 Chilean miners were rescued after 69 days below ground and as Spain beat the Netherlands in the 2010 World Cup. Julian Assange induces worldwide panic with WikiLeaks (which is best described as “some Tyler Durden shit”) and Mel Gibson officially loses his mind. WHAT?!

But as in all yearly recaps we look forward to coming days. So what about 2011?

While discussing house buying and finances over coffee one evening (gosh we sound like a riot, don’t we?) my dear friend Craig said, “True satisfaction is delayed gratification.” So what are my resolutions for 2011? Last year my only real goal was to be present, in the moment, looking forward to and prepare for the future but understanding we are only promised this instant. But if last year was focused on the present, may 2011 focus on the future. It may sound bizarre and boring but I want to live a life less cluttered, removed of excess and hasty decisions-from buying clothes, to eating habits to managing our finances. Continuously and daily asking myself, do I really need this 30-dollar headband? Another slice of pizza? Are we ready to buy a home? Is this the medical mission trip I should go on? Or am I just a shopaholic, an overweight American who doesn’t know when to stop, wrongfully eager to keep up with the Jones or too anxious and inexperienced? It’s true: anything worth having is worth waiting (and working hard) for.

Since when did my blog get so serious? Farts, boobies and something about having Jude Laws babies. I’m still here, people.